just like old file names

Roo: nothing is obvious in this uncertain world

CA: everything is obvious in this heavily defined world

Roo: contrarian!
(if you answer "no I'm not", I get to punch you in the mouth)

CA: big word user

Roo: phew! you're off the hook
as for big words, look who's talking

CA: what! i use words that are 8 letters or less exclusiv

a different kind of scanner darkly

Also from last year, that time I scanned my face.

apparently he's married to "a Lacanian supermodel"

Chris, thanks for introducing me to Zizek, the Slovenian sociologist madman who twitches and spits.

Oh, alright, one more:

one of the big questions

Another long lull in the posting here, huh? The QA team has been napping out back by the dumpster, the writers are all spent from tapping out sordid emails to pals.

Here's one I just got:

i have girl problems.
why do I go months without getting my pickle waxed and inside of a week two chicks try to drag me off to the sack with promise of unspeakable things?

I have no answers. All I know is that I like the expression "pickle waxing".

I can still feel that smell

lavish whaaaa...?

From the Wall Street Journal, a couple of years ago:

"Some people are just into lavish dwarf entertainment," says the 4-foot-2 Danny Black, a part-owner in Shortdwarf.com, an outfit that rents dwarfs for parties starting at $149 an hour. Mr. Black says he spent part of [a March 2003] weekend on the yacht and worked as a waiter on the Friday night at a high-end Miami eatery alongside what he called "regular size" people. "A good time was had by all," he said, declining to provide further details.

make a choice

Look, what do you want from me, original compositions and occasional flickers of wit, insight and wonder? Or do you want a conversation between me and my pal about his farty baby? I knew it! OK, I'll comply, here you go:

The Dude says: She [5 1/2 mth old daughter] cracks me up
all the time
Roo says: she has attitude?
The Dude says: not really, she grunts and farts a lot
like A LOT
she stinks
but otherwise is lovely
Roo says: really?
farts a lot?
make sure that's in her baby book
The Dude says: a ton
people comment on it too
plus, baby farts aren't supposed to stink, but hers do
like crazy
she's quite thoroughly disgusting
but cute as a button
Roo says: that's great
man, I want to post this
The Dude says: you can, just change the names to protect the flatulent