Better than Ghostly Beautician or Children Under the Bus but the same idea

I was going through old emails again. They're pretty great. Because I just can't even face writing about how shitty my day was, I'm going to cop out and post a few:

Date: Tue, 15 Nov 1994 10:29:25 -0800 (PST)
From: monika
To: roo
Subject: i'm at a complete loss


hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

you will be assimilated. you will be had. you will become a part of the future genereation mimics like everyone else at ubc. ha ha. your time of mutation is scheduled for fri day evening at 7:54pm. enjoy the trip

My little sister never really knew how funny she was:

Date: 17 Nov 94 19:13:30 EST
From: Sister
To: Roo
Cc: Brother
Subject: Darlings out west, I love you

Darlings out west,

How are you all doing? I hear that a) Roo is busy and b) Roo is busy. So busy, in fact, that I had to a phonebill larger than any other. Paul seems to have taken your place in my heart for long distance therapy. (You know Roo, when I call at 3am sobbing, Paul is my new savior, and a darn good one, I might add) Anyhow I leave this message with with some exciting news: I just finished a fabulous film and I love it. We overdubbed the voices in Japanese and wrote English subtitles. THe sound track was written by me and it is fabulous. It is about a top secret file containing the formula to turn this robot girl back to her original human form. You will all love it. It is my best yet!!! Better than Ghostly Beautician or Children Under the Bus but the same idea.

Did you guys hear? My room is an entertainment station. i've got nintendo, vcr, tv, stereo, video attachment, and cable in my own bedroom. HEEEEE. you may think "spoiled brat" but I got it all myself. Alright, i'd say my message is long enough. See ya.

Roo - did you hear i almost got raped by the guitarist in [name deleted] the skater/punk band I saw two nights ago? Funny story.

BYE

Date: Sat, 14 Jan 1995 20:47:18 -0800 (PST)
From: MONSTERKA
To: Roo
Subject: 31490 needs all the help it can get

PLEASE BRING ALL FLAMMABLES TO 31490 WEST 11TH AVE. IMMEDIATLY OR GREAT SUFFERING WILL FALL UPON YOU.

DO NOT IGNORE THIS MESSAGE.

WITHIN FOUR DAYS WE WANT ALL YOUR WOOD AND WITHIN A WEEK YOU WILL RECIEVE 40000 DOLLARS IN YOUR MAIL.

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