Thursday, February 15, 2007

Media Sainthood

I do NOT understand this sudden hagiography of Anna Nicole Smith. (I will not even link to any of it here, because for pete's sake it's all over the Internet -- where to start?)

What's happening kind of reminds me of that rant in the movie Heathers where Veronica observes in her journal that death made the biggest bitch in the school a saint and gave two numbskull jock assholes personality and soul. I understand forgiving people their foibles and mistakes, and regarding those who have passed on with a special tenderness, but the glorification of Anna Nicole Smith in death has really gone too far.

Let's be clear, she was *very simply* a self-absorbed vacuous drugged-out cuckolding gold-digger slut with massive boobies and a diet-pill-sized brain who got rich and famous because she was willing to do ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING to become rich and famous. So what?

Yeah, I know, parts of her life were really sad and hard. The thing is, most people on this earth have sad and hard lives and tons of them deal with it with a hell of a lot more style and grace. You can probably think of five, easily, right off the top of your head, RIGHT NOW. Or ten. Or twenty. Or hundreds.

I don't know about you, but I never thought she was funny, I just found her fucking depressing. (But then, I never found the wildly popular Jessica Simpson funny either -- the few glimpses I had of her tottering around her mansion in her strappy Prada wedges whining to that meat head Nick made me want to leave Earth for another planet: no hope here.)

I think what finally triggered this rant of mine (which I am already regretting writing at all) was coming randomly across an article about how Anna Nicole was restricting the amount of food her infant daughter was allowed to eat because she was obsessed with the idea of keeping her baby girl "slim" and "sexy". Even if it's not true, it's true in that allegorical sense; she really WAS that monumentally stupid, incompetent and superficial.

So to completely change the subject, here are some flowers I photographed up north one summer, and I think they look kind of like God (or whoever is responsible for all this) was in a Dr. Seuss-y sort of mood when he/she/it created them:



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Jesus, I've just realized I'll probably get child porn douchebags finding this site now because I've got the words "baby" and "sexy" in this post. So here's a special message for them: KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF THE KIDDIES AND GET YOURSELF PROFESSIONAL HELP. DO IT NOW.

4 Comments:

At February 15, 2007 2:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

ANS was a total dipshit. Not worthy of the media attention she has garnered, and certainly not worthy of any form of praise or canonization. Your rant is right on.

-N.

 
At February 15, 2007 2:58 PM, Blogger Drew said...

I think my houseplant is the father of Anna's baby. I'm going to file a paternity suit.

 
At February 15, 2007 7:52 PM, Blogger Stuntmother said...

Okay I always like what you write, but this one -- this one had me positively gleeful, especially the message to the kiddie porn creeps. Whaahhahahahahahahaha.

You rock,

 
At February 18, 2007 2:04 PM, Blogger Jonathan said...

Anna was a classic celebrity media victim - in the same mould as those who have fallen before, and will fall in future (as Britney seems to be doing at the moment).

I think she was probably just trying to stop her kids from turning into Augustus Gloop, unlink so many other kids these days.

The Playstation generation of kids are going to be lucky to make it past 50 years old...

 

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