who even wants to know

That my dog eats tissues. I just fished one out of his gullet now, using sweeping motions and my longest fingers.

I forgot how to log in

Also, how to use a computer in general.

Hey, all I have to tell you right now is the other day I did a high-kick in old jeans, and I ripped my pants in the butt. I guess those jeans are for the rag bin now. Or Saturday night at The Lafayette.

Also, I taught my 63-lb poodle how to do taxes. He's really good at it. Want him to do yours?

Also, I have a New Yorker Cartoons desk calendar and one of the best captions so far is "But I hate su casa."