Wednesday, November 01, 2006

game on!

OK here we go. NaBloPoMo! (Thank you for organizing the month-long masochism, Mrs. Kennedy!)

To start cheap, I’ll begin by revealing to the ether my ONE good/pathetic Halloween costume idea, so that I can finally stop telling new friends about it every year and pretending I'd just thought of it.

(If you're a friend of mine, I can already hear the groaning, so save it, mofo!)

That would be "The Pervert". The idea is to take the classic "Flasher" costume (trench coat, mid-calf nylon dress socks, beat-up black leather Reeboks*, etc), and take it up a notch by adding hair on the palms.

Get it?

Get it?

Get it now?

Sigh. Yup, that's my big idea.

I suppose another visual cue might have been, say, a sack of dead kittens, but that joke is soooooo 2002.

I thought about adding to the costume by making "The Pervert" blind (you know, to keep with the theme of "if you keep touching yourself, then [insert hideous consequence here]", but being blind is inconsistent with the flasher/pervert’s M.O., which is to see people's reactions, and know that people see them, and then beat a fast retreat from the authorities with a dizzying adrenaline rush and turgid genitals.

On a sort of related note, when I went to UBC, I used to occasionally study for class at this clothing-optional beach (right off campus).

(Picture from Wikipedia. Thanks!)

It was usually deserted during the school year because it was just too cold outside to be naked, so it made for a beautiful and quiet place to hang out and go through my Classical Arabic verb declensions. (Don’t ask.) So I was down there studying with a friend one warmish day in spring when an average sort of fellow strolled past, wearing a jean jacket, sunglasses, a sunhat, and sneakers.

And nothing else.

So he walked by us, and that would have been fine – you know, cause for a few quiet snickers between girl friends – except he stopped about 50 meters down from where we were sitting, and started an activity that I guess you could euphemistically say made us want to go blind. Because he was wearing sunglasses, it was hard to tell if he was looking out to sea or at us (both sexily clad in bulky fleeces, baggy worker jeans, and hiking boots, how could he not have been intensely aroused).

Nothing came of it (HA! HA! haaaaaaaaaa), at least as far as we know, because we refused to look at him once we realized what he was up to – in fact pretended we’d not noticed at all. But I did lean across to my friend and whisper quietly: "He’s thinking about you."

*not sure why, but I’m pretty sure these are the #1 choice for pervs to shod their hooves with


At November 01, 2006 3:27 p.m., Blogger Hooker said...

Ahahahah. Two days ago while my roomate and a friend of ours were making dinner I stormed sprinted from my room across the house to the kitchen and back wearing nothing but a yellow t-shirt.

There's nothing funnier looking than a guy wearing nothing but a top.

At November 01, 2006 4:36 p.m., Anonymous Jonathan said...

That is SUCH a great story :)

I remember sitting on the beach one time many years ago on holiday, and noticed that the could across from us were being a bit naughty...

She was sat cross-legged, holding his hand somewhere... well... I won't describe any more.

That's the first time I've ever let on about it too... lol

At November 01, 2006 11:48 p.m., Blogger le penseur said...

Masturbation references really pique attention, eh?

That's a pretty beach, by the way.

At November 02, 2006 1:28 p.m., Blogger super diz (marca registrada) said...


At November 03, 2006 2:28 p.m., Anonymous blackbeltbarrister said...

you know, since leaving UBC, I've occasionally said to people, 'hey, my alma mater has a nude beach!' and it sounds so ridiculous they think I'm making it up (or that Canadians are a lot more free spririted than they imagined, like Brazilians in Gore-Tex, or something). But what is perhaps the strangest thing is that when we were there, we never really talked about it. I don't remember anyone saying, 'hey, this university has a nude beach! does any other university anywhere have a nude beach? why doesn't the university advertise that to the Chinese kids wanting a cheap MBA?' Were we that sophisticated or that naive?
And I think I speak for a majority of the ladies in the audience in making a correction to Hooker's previous post, 'There's nothing more REPULSIVE than a guy wearing nothing but a top.'


Post a Comment

<< Home