I LOVE to be DOM(S)INATED

Wednesday night I joined this dryland training group for cross-country skiing.

As my billions of regular readers know, the only exercise I've done in some time is letting giardia strengthen my intestinal muscles, which were hypermobile and contracting vigorously every day for a few weeks there. I'm pretty sure my intestines could lift a truck right now, just like Superman when he was a boy.


(Photo from this website.)

Anway, my intestines were so busy working out that I wasn't really able to exercise the rest of me, and then there was that metronidazole party, and so I've been feeling pretty weak.

So coming out of that illness and the associated four-five weeks of mostly lying down or sprinting to the toilet, I figured what would make most sense is to throw myself into a two hour intense strength and cardio session with a group of supremely fit superhero types who have already been in this training group for two months.

We spent two hours lunging up hills, ski-striding up hills, hopping on one foot up hills, and walking on our hands (wheelbarrow style, with a buddy) up hills (or in my case, collapsing in a flush-cheeked heap after about ten hand-steps). Then we did brutal ab crunches and chin ups and deadlifts and squats. Then we walked on hot coals and ate handfuls of acid and slashed our flesh with rusty machetes and beat our skulls with heavy iron pipes.

Predictably, now I have DOMS. Last night my hamstrings were feeling a little hamstrung, so I rubbed this amazing stuff into them and applied the wondrous Thermaphore, the Cadillac of heating pads.

And Saturday morning, I go back for more!

Want to come? The rusty machetes thing is my favourite part, you'll love it. Afterward, I'm sure we'll do something civilized like go for brunch.