holy crap, it gets even better

As an addendum to my last post (which you should read first if you haven't already), this just made me sob with laughter. I hope it does the same for you.

For context, keep in mind "Crusty Louis" (a real nickname, pronounced Crusty Louie) and I have been friends for almost two decades and met in our very early teens. We go way back. He has seen me with a perm and braces for god's sake. I knew him before he was "out". As you will notice, we compulsively and joyously revert to the charming argot we developed as crass and foul little teenagers.

----- Original Message ----
From: Crusty Louis
To: Banjeroo
Sent: Tuesday, April 12, 2006
Subject: RE: Birthday


SINGLE, WHITE, GAY MALE LOOKING TO CELEBRATE LOW KEY 34TH BIRTHDAY ON FRIDAY APRIL 21ST. 8PM, DINNER AT [SUSHI PLACE] FOLLOWED BY DRINKS AT [HOT GAY BAR]. I LOVE LONG WALKS ON THE BEACH AND KITTENS. PLEASE RESPOND IF INTERESTED.


-----Original Message-----
From: Banjeroo
Sent: April 18, 2006 1:55 PM
To: Crusty Louis
Subject: Re: Birthday

Honey, I would love to be there but sadly can't....

Sending you big birthday smooches instead... and the link to my blog, since in the latest post I mention you.

Hope you enjoy the memory, sweetmeat.

Loved your dispatches from abroad. Let me know next time you're in [my town] so I can wrap my thighs around your gorgeous gay bod and give you a little appreciative dry-hump.

xoxoxo
Banjeroo

----- Original Message ----
From: Crusty Louis
To: Banjeroo
Sent: Tuesday, April 18, 2006 2:07:29 PM
Subject: RE: Birthday


Loved your piece re: Shawn.... I fucking love you.

Bit of a gripe....that same drama class, you and I did a piece about a man with epilepsy...and you were preggies and smoking and I had amnesia....thanks a lot...(I am correct, no?)

Sending you a juicy cup-o-fart.

Love

Crusty

-----Original Message-----
From: Banjeroo
Sent: April 18, 2006 2:10 PM
To: Crusty Louis
Subject: Re: Birthday

Crusty, wtf? Did we really do a piece about a man with epilepsy and his pregnant smoking wife!? That is FUCKING AWESOME to the MAX if we did.

I was thinking of my trash performance with [local billionaire’s son].

Shit, did we really? Jesus Christ. That is SO GOOD. Or are you pulling my leg. Either way, I'm appreciative of the whole fucking concept.


----- Forwarded Message ----
From: Crusty Louis
To: Banjeroo
Sent: Tuesday, April 18, 2006 2:15:32 PM
Subject: RE: Birthday


Crab cack,

We totally did. I fell off my motorcycle and you were with child....you didn't know if I was going to make it so you started rubbing your belly and started smoking....then we flash back to our tumultuous relationship pre accident where you find out that you are pregs and I force you to give up the smokie smokes. We have a major fight before I go out and get hit by a truck....we flash forward to us later and I start blacking out and having seizures....one of them eventually kills me and you find me....you are now very preggie....out comes the cig with the final monologue....it was raw, inspired and beyond the scope of the average socialite loin fruits that surrounded us.

Uh huh....totally true


----- Forwarded Message ----
From: Crusty Louis
To: banjeroo
Sent: Tuesday, April 18, 2006 2:15:32 PM
Subject: RE: Birthday

I am so posting this whole fucking thing to my blog.