Monday, April 03, 2006

cure for the blues

Slightly abridged version of conversation with my sister today:

sister: hi roo
r u there?
banjeroo: hi!
sister: im mildly depressed
how do i get out of it?
banjeroo: why are you mildly depressed?
sister: i don't know
banjeroo: because harper sux?
sister: maybe
banjeroo: because world is fuct?
sister: i just don't feel good right now
i don't know why
banjeroo: well
sister: i just feel dark and cynical and negative
and have been for the last couple o weeks
banjeroo: you must do this:
10 jumping jacks
sister: right now?
banjeroo: walk in a straight line with your arms out down the hall like you are walking a drunk test, putting alternating index fingers to your nose
10 m out, 10 m back
yes
do it right now
sister: ok
i will
banjeroo: ok then get a piece of paper when you are done and let me know
and I will give you more instructions
sister: i am done
banjeroo: ok good
now do you have a pen?
sister: [dog] is up
from his nap as a result
ok yes
banjeroo: do you have a surface you can safely write on (you'll write on the paper but you need to press HARD)
sister: yup
banjeroo: ok
ready?
sister: yes
banjeroo: write "FUCK YOU JACKASSES FUCK YOU!!!!!!! FUCK YOU ALL TO HELLLLLLLL AND FUCK THE FUCKING FUCKSHITFUCK TROLL HORSE YOU RODE IN ON!!!!!!!!!!"
sister: ok here goes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
banjeroo: now make up a few more things that you feel like writing
keep going!
ALL CAPITALS!
AND NOW START SCRIBBBLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
scribble all over it
then rip it up
let me know when you're done
you're almost there
sister: ok therE. THAT WAS FUCKING FUN!
thanks
banjeroo: sure
did you rip it up?
you're almost done
sister: no i want to save it
i like it
banjeroo: ok keep it then
this program is versatile
sister: i love it
banjeroo: but now you need to go do one somersault on the carpet
maybe three
sister: i feel better already
banjeroo: depending on how you feel
sister: ok i'll do it
[dog] will go nuts though
here goes nothin'
banjeroo: we are in the home stretch of curing the blues
are you done?
when was the last time you shaved your legs?
sister: i am done
that was CRAZY!
5 days ago



long pause



sister: sorrrry. i just had a visitor he's gone now
banjeroo: are you at home or work?
sister: i showed him my piece of paper
work
banjeroo: what did he think of your paper?
sister: he was shocked and delighted.
banjeroo: perfect. now make a list of ten things you love and go home and shave your legs. then make a nice supper and you're all set.

UPDATE: A day later - I just got this fax at work, no cover sheet, no name, and I swear it made me laugh quietly through my nose until my stomach hurt:



Folks in my office and hers who have accidentally seen "the paper" are probably thinking we're: a) juvenilely obsessed with the puerile quasi-subversiveness of the work "fuck" or b) off our anti-psychotic medication or c) struggling unsuccessfully with rage problems or d) not that well-adjusted generally or e) all of the above.

I say hey, whatever it takes to get a little respect around here.



1 Comments:

At April 05, 2006 1:05 PM, Anonymous CW said...

That is a great little post - i can completely inagine the two of you going bonkers

 

Post a Comment

<< Home