Monday, November 19, 2007

bad toast

Whoever last raised a glass with me and said "Here's mud in yer eye" was a little too effective. I did the last bit of yard work last night with my new quasi-roommate and with all the mud and sticks and leaves and grass and frozen boot-smashed jack-o-lantern* and dried raccoon poo flying around, something got in there.

Either it's still lodged between my eye lid and conjunctiva or it's long gone but left a scratch that continues to feel like a grain of sand gouging up tender places.

I think my current situation could partially have something to do with my ingenious method of filling those huge brown-paper yard waste bags for the city compost,** which involves turning them upside-down and clawing upward into them, whacking the walls with my gloved hands like a trapped miner, until the top of my head hits the bottom of the sack and the thing is opened. Then I wriggle out and fill the massive thing with leaves. If I'd take off the filthy gloves before, all that whacking wouldn't result in a shower of crap flying down from them into sensitive membranes. I confess though, I sort of like standing in the front yard with a huge bag over my head (and torso and thighs).

Anyway, how about next time we just say "cheers". (I'm also open to more interesting suggestions.)

* thank you Chris, Thomas, and free beer

** which are very stiff and folded in such a way that makes them difficult enough to open that there are inventions to help open them and then hold them open - will update post later if I find an example online


At November 20, 2007 1:42 a.m., Anonymous sylviesmum said...

Well, I happen to know a thing or two about 'corneal abrasions' after getting a speck of molten steel in my eye while grinding down steel tubes to make a boat rack for our truck, and having it ground out with an optical burr (think miniature dremel tool). Amazingly, my eye was 'functional' after 12 hours, and completely healed after 24. The cornea is the fastest healing tissue in the human body.
So, how 'bout we toast the impressive healing abilities of the human body instead!

At November 20, 2007 3:37 a.m., Anonymous wilbursmum said...

i remember that whole ordeal, sylviesmum. We thought you were going to go blind in one eye, but that little eye drill did the trick.

So if the cornea is the fastest healing, what is the slowest? Probably the groin muscle.

At November 20, 2007 8:52 a.m., Blogger Jonathan said...

Your bag opening method sounds exactly like my duvet changing method - only I stand there like a dimented flagpole, gripping the corners and waving around like a viking longboat mast and sail...


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