Tuesday, July 17, 2007

how I feel packing my bags at 1 AM



I hate when people pose all head-angled and pouty like they're trying (unsuccessfully) to look like a bored celeb or mimic a model pose. THIS, however, is the real brain-dead, and the pout is the inadvertent result of making the "pchhhhh" sound of a gun going off.*

UPDATE 1:02 AM: OK, like for example, where the hell is my wetsuit? You think I'd be able to locate it by the sheer stink of neoprene, but nooooooo.

UPDATE 1:11 AM: I found it! By stink! Oh god, this is all coming together.

UPDATE 1:20 AM: On my work email account, I just got the best message from one "Norman McNair":

Hello! I am bored this afternoon. I am nice girl that would like to chat with you. Email me at [email address] only, because I am writing not from my personal email. If you would like to see some of my pictures.

Boy, Norman, I would LOVE to see some of your pictures! I'm pretty het but I'm really quite comfortable with gender bending. Why, I enjoyed Priscilla Queen of the Desert! Maybe we'll strike up an erotic online relationship RIGHT NOW leading to the inevitable disclosure of my credit card number and home address. Once we've established our love as fact, you can help me find my fucking laptop bag because I need it before I get on that plane tomorrow. Thanks Norman!

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*Not that I'd know what that actually sounds like - I'm Canadian. We don't believe that everything's possible up here like I imagine Americans do, and we don't have guns. We just drink Caesars and play hockey.

4 Comments:

At July 18, 2007 5:41 AM, Blogger Jonathan said...

Excellent stuff... you wouldn't believe how many emails I've had from nigerian princes, and chief financial officers of huge corporations in the Phillipines. My blog must be really popular over there or something.

I did actually like that photo btw - despite your entire paragraph outlining the reasons why I shouldnt :)

 
At July 18, 2007 9:28 AM, Blogger sgazzetti said...

I barely recognized you without a gigantic clownfish on your head.

 
At July 18, 2007 6:08 PM, Blogger Hooker said...

Hey you got over the pseudo-anonymity thing!

 
At July 23, 2007 7:30 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The picture frightens me a little. Maybe you would eat my liver if you were lost and hungry. Would you settle for one kidney?

 

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