limits

New Friend (NF): A coworker who doesn't know me that well who is working on the same study sent me an e-mail with the following closer.
"Happy Thanksgiving.* Try not to eat too much, you may get fatter"
WTF??
Now, her first language is french
so I'm giving her abit of leeway
but WTF all the same

Roo: fucking whore
I think that is horrible and inappropriate in any language
to say that to anyone**

NF: I agree
I should write back "Happy Thanksgiving, try not to sleep around, you may become more of a WHORE!"

Roo: or to NOT get fired, write back
"Happy Thanksgiving, try not to drink too much, you might find yourself saying mean things to nice people."

NF: hahaha
you're good

Roo: it's subtle, yet NOT
and won't get you fired

NF: Just so you know
I can't get fired

Roo: why?

NF: In the past 4 years
this place has fired 16 people
out of over 5000
And they were all criminally related

Roo: hahahahhaa

NF: smuggling
document forgery
etc

Roo: hilarious
hire me

NF: One guy they tried to fire because he literally took off all of his clothes because he was high on crystal meth at work
and ran around the office naked
and they couldn't fire him
instead they had to give him better shifts and more vacation time
as they were obviously putting too much strain on him

Roo: wow

NF: my boss finally forced a woman into medical retirement (that was the best he could get, he couldn't get her fired)
because she didn't come into work for 11 years

Roo: hire me

NF: ELEVEN YEARS

Roo: this is the funniest thing I've ever heard

NF: Then she fought to get her vacation pay paid out
For the time she WASN'T WORKING
And she won that too
We have the strongest unions EVAR
I could shit into my hand, then throw that shit all over my office
Then run around smearing it everywhere
and it would somehow get me more vacation time

Roo: do it. see if you can get a couple extra weeks.

---
* You know, Canadian Thanksgiving.
** Mom, Dad, the irony is not lost on me, and I apologize for not using my vocabulary.