useless as...

My favourite email today, in response to one in which I confess to feeling like I've been a bit useless at work this week:

-----Original Message-----
From: [Favourite Coworker and Friend]
Sent: Thursday, May 18, 2006 11:27 AM
To: Banjeroo

Well, I didn't want to bring up how useless you've been this week... but since you did...

You've been more useless than:

- The Director's Cut of Bambi, in which his mother is revealed to be a Succubus from the 13th circle of Hell.

- The perpetually wriggling subcutaneous worm that is known as my hemorrhoid.

- Ted Kennedy at an Alcoholic's Anonymous meeting.

- Ted Kennedy at a Rape Prevention Fundraiser.

- Ted Kennedy.

With fondest regards,

[Favourite Coworker and Friend]