ripe melons

Unleashed. It's about a man raised as a dog in a cage and trained to be a mindless killer -- but the dog is Jet Li, so he's a karate-kicking human dog.

Then one day his master is killed, and he stumbles wide-eyed and hungry for human affection into the lives of a blind piano tuner and his step daughter, who is studying at the conservatory.

Then he gets to be part of their "family" and learns how to sleep in pajamas and eat with utensils and pick out ripe melons in the grocery store.

Then it turns out his master isn't dead and is looking for him, and there are some terrifically violent and well-choreographed fight scenes, one in a very narrow and small European bathroom, as the dog-now-human fights to protect his new life and defeat his former evil master.

There. Now you don't have to spend money on it. I just saved you somewhere between $7 and $13 dollars. What have you ever done for me?

OK I confess, I cheated and lifted 80% of this straight from an email I sent to a friend - it's a recycled entry, and it felt so good I might do it again. And again. But I'm going to the Yukon in a month and have work to do in the meantime, you know?