Thursday, December 07, 2006

extreme vitamin taking

I'm getting sick today, which means my brain feels like a watery nubbin and my throat is sore. Chances that this post will be good are slim.

Oh no wait, maybe it will be okay. I just need to get up to my old tricks. See, I have this odd friend/coworker, this very unique guy who makes outlandish claims. So what I can do (in this watery nubbin state) is just post another one of his charming rambles -- conveniently I recently found another as I was cleaning up my Sent Items. (See, I got in this habit of writing down what he'd say and then sending it back to him in an email, at which point he'd usually say "Wow. I said that? That's NUTS.")

This is a good one:

Vitamins are basically glue, so instead of going and buying large quantities of hippie capsules, I buy regular vitamins and cut them up, and then I add Coke, because it simulates stomach acid, which dissolves them. Then I drink it and feel sick for about twenty minutes. You don’t know it, but in normal and non-extreme-vitamin-taking life, there’s a regular amount of pain and discomfort. But this concoction is way worse than regular pain, and then it goes away, and then you feel much better. [drinks concoction of mashed low-grade vitamins and Coke] I mean, I am uncontrollably making an angry face. I can feel my esophagus closing, and I instantly start sweating. But in twenty minutes I’m going to feel really quite good.

There you have it.

3 Comments:

At December 08, 2006 1:45 AM, Anonymous sgazzetti said...

Holy crap! So all this time I've been participating in non-extreme vitamin taking? And I could've been doing the extreme version? No wonder my health is so shoddy.

Get weller.

 
At December 09, 2006 12:20 AM, Blogger Kari said...

I just found your blog today and I found it very entertaining. I especially loved your post on the girl in the gym. Hilarious!

I am going to put a link of your blog on my own and come here frequently. Thanks for your entertaining wit.

 
At December 11, 2006 9:09 AM, Anonymous Jonathan said...

"extreme vitamin taking" sounds like a sport. I think they should definitely consider it for the next olympics.

"And here comes, Weird Jim Wankovich, who is going to be attempting 2 kilograms of vitamic D capsules..."

 

Post a Comment

<< Home