Thursday, September 08, 2005

what was it mother used to say?

I just did a search for this book title: "Open Kimono" by Seymour Hare... and to my dismay it seems to be a joke I share with prank-joke shopping sites and maybe a few adult entertainment pages. You know how a joke depends on context? Well sitting around giggling with my sister and my mom, it's really funny. Accidentally discovering it's on a triple-x site, it's not really so funny.

I was also depressed to learn not long ago that calling someone a "sucker" is short for something much ruder, something which, turns out, is a homophobic slur. I always thought it meant more like "you're a baby" (and therefore, um, a loser of some kind, because you know how babies are losers). In my mind it vaguely conjured up an image of a lollipop, and how someone who was losing out would need the soothing power of candy to suck on. I'm not kidding.

While I'm at it, exposing my ignorance/innocence, I also did my first tequila shots the other night. In my early thirties. No one believed me, they thought I was trying to pull off some deadpan ironic joke.

Actually, now that I think about it, I may have done one when I was 19, but it was so long ago, I can't actually remember if I did one, or if it was just that some of the people I was with did them. Point is, either it was my first time, or it had been so long, I didn't even know what order to do the salt and the lemon.

Speaking of salt, this Kids in the Hall sketch will never stop being funny, even if it winds up on a porn site:

Man at a conference, his contact lenses are bothering him, he rubs his eyes. He suddenly spots the salt shaker on the table. He tries to remember what his mother used to say... a wobbly memory bubble appears over his head and we see/hear his mother saying in a soothing voice "Never put salt in your eyes... NEVER put salt in your eyes... put salt in your eyes... ALWAYS put salt in your eyes..." Satisfied that he's remembered it correctly, he picks up the shaker and pours salt in his eyes, and falls to the ground screaming.

You tell me: do transcripts kill jokes?

I used to have a WAV file of the "salt in your eyes" sketch. If I could find it I'd post it or link to it. I listened to it whenever my old psycho boss (a few jobs ago) gave me something extremely pointless to do, or signed me up for a ridiculous deadline without consulting me on the resources required. Always put salt in your eyes.


At September 09, 2005 9:59 a.m., Blogger The Dude said...

Never put salt in your eyes... never put salt in your eyes... always put salt in your eyes????

At November 16, 2006 12:19 a.m., Blogger sgazzetti said...

Thank you so much for bringing this into my life. It's obvious that I have a lot of Roo mining to do.

This rather reminded me of a 90s-era SNL sketch based around the departing boss leaving his workers with the tip, "Remember: you can never put too much water into a nuclear reactor".


Post a Comment

<< Home