Saturday, April 30, 2005

not so much a terrier today

My friend Tom took to calling me the Terrier because he knows I can be pretty single-minded. When I'm in Terrier Mode, I can get anything done. grrrrr grrrrr rrrrrr rrrrrrr.

But this the first weekend in a long time where I've been able to do whatever I want. I have no plans, no obligations, nothing to be a terrier about. I do have the three DVDs for The Office though (loaned from a friend), and a whole lot of cold beer. Do the math.

The other option, naturally, is to stay home, watch TV, eat cornchips, and masturbate. (see below)

The Terrier Song (Kids in the Hall)


Kevin (in drag, holding a dog): "I just got him and I love him and I'm going to name him and it's going to be a perfect name 'cause he's the perfect dog and I love him....isn't he great?"

Bruce: "No. I don't like him."

K: "What?"

B: "Sorry."

K: "What's wrong with him?"

B: "He's just not my type of dog . . . he's just not . . . a terrier!"

(sung by Bruce)

Terriers are my very favourite breed.
They're cute and cuddly and easy dogs to feed.
They'll bring you up whenever you are down.
Terriers average 20 pounds.
When I walk around in this terrier town,
One thing that makes me down,
Is when people put bandanas on their dogs.

Terriers are my very favourite breed,
Cute and cuddly, easy dogs to feed.
Terriers were there in the 11th century,
Napoleon had one to prevent misery.
Terriers are good with the aged,
Studies show that they prolong old peoples' lives.
No one wants to die,
Like this guy died.
Die die, die die.
Die die, die die.
Worms eating your eyes.
Bass solo.

(Notices women behind him in black bikinis and veils.)

Ah, excuse me ladies, you're scantily clad and have nothing to do with the narrative. Therefore, it's sexist. Sorry.

(They go away.)

Wow, that hurt.

You know those mornings that you just can't get out of bed, and you call in sick, if you had a job. You know those mornings when you just wanna watch TV, eat corn chips and masturbate.

Sure you do.

Well, when those days happen . . .
what you should do is start thinking about my friends.
My little furry, waterproof pals.
You know I'm talking about . . .

Les terriers sont mes types favourites,
Jolies, charmantes.
Pas de probleme a maintenir.
Il donnent du joie.
Quand tu es "blue."
Les terries sont a peu pres,
Vingt livres.

Give terriers a chance (Yeah!)
Do the terrier dance.
No, let's not.
But if you want your love to show,
If you want your love to grow.
Then go terri-, go terri-, go terri- errr.


B: "See, your dog just isn't good enough."

K: "I guess you're right."


At May 02, 2005 12:03 p.m., Blogger canukistan said...

HAHAHAHA! Rented The Office again this weekend, and watched it while drinking beer... all 6 episodes back-to-back. Definitely a mind-altering experience. No corn chips though. Or onanism.


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